Saturday, November 29, 2008

Tips For Listening To Music

Use earphones to listen to music privately.

Music is fun to listen to while sitting in a comfortable chair.

Classical music can be enjoyed anytime of day.

Rock music might induce an urge to dance. Clear the area to eliminate the chance of an accident.

Friday, November 28, 2008

Tips For Women During The Salem Witch Trials

Don't do or say anything odd.

Keep dress conservative and go to church often.

If accused of being a witch, leave Salem.

Don't levitate.

Thursday, November 27, 2008

Happy Thanksgiving-Special Holiday Post

The holiday season officially starts today.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Tips For Hosting A Family During The Holiday Season

If without cable TV or a satellite dish, call for installation of one or the other before guests arrive.

It is customary to offer the master bedroom to the guest parents.

During the afternoon and evening hours, play Yahtzee or watch TV.

Offer guests cold pop or beer.

Tips For Visiting A Public Library

Fill out an application for a library card.

Books can be read at the library or brought home to read.

The library environment feels different than other public spaces. Everyone speaks very softly. This is universal.

Avoid the library all together if there is a lost book or a huge fine.

Monday, November 24, 2008

'Tips' Guess The Actor Contest

The correct answer was emailed to us earlier today. The office was in near panic after TFTD janitor, Botev Chernozemski somehow got his tie stuck in the office's main printer. Botev had come in to pick up his check. He was on his way to a reunion of Bulgarian Navy officers. The reunion consisted of he and another Bulgarian immigrant. It really is just a reason to relax and drink. Once his tie was liberated from the printer, we gave him his check, a borrowed tie and sent a slightly shaken Botev on his way.

TFTD staffer Todd Stevens found the email from a one Abigail Danforth. Abigail hails from Paducah, Kentucky. She is the owner of a mattress store in the historic downtown section of Paducah. Mrs. Danforth guessed Terrence Aloyius "Slip" Mahoney, played by Leo Gorcey. Leo played Slip Mahoney in the Bowery Boys films. Mrs. Danforth will receive a coupon for 30% off on a mattress and box spring(while supplies last).

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Tips For Managers

Low morale could sound the death knell for productivity. Keep morale high by smiling when dealing with employees.

Employees love hearing about concepts that deal in teamwork.
Further, they enjoy singing songs and playing games that deal with the concept of teamwork.

Dealing with a difficult employee is never easy. Take the troubled employee on an Outward Bound weekend. Instill a sense of team by exploring an active volcano.

The manager's desk should be clean and organized.

Saturday, November 22, 2008

Tips For And About Yahtzee

The game instructions are not on the lid of the box. They are printed in a booklet and placed inside with the 5 dice, dice cup, 10 bonus chips and score pad.

Play Yahtzee on a level playing surface.

Call the Yahtzee 24-hour phone number if a disagreement develops over the interpretation of a rule.

Scratch paper or a calculator are both needed when adding the scores at the end of the contest.

Friday, November 21, 2008

Tips For

Tips For Safety

When passing a TV remote control to a family member, throw it underhand.

If lost while hiking, don't panic, use a cell phone to call for help.

When suffering from dysentery, don't stray far from home.

Hitting a friend on the back while they make a goofy face is dangerous. The goofy face could be permanent. There is no way to undo it.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Jan Wins

Kansas City - Eve Plumb(Jan) was declared winner of the Tip For The Day: Favorite Brady Child Poll. The visibly emotional actress thanked the eleven people who voted for her. The two TFTD employees who recounted were Senior Staffer Todd Stevens and TFTD janitor Mr. Botev Chernozemski. It appeared as though Mr. Chernozemski had fallen asleep for two hours. When Mr. Stevens kicked his chair, he sprang to life and in a thick Bulgarian accent proclaimed, "I was just resting my eyes." Chistopher Knight(Peter)appeared briefly and said, "This is now in the hands of God and my attorney." He then waved, got into a Hummer Limousine and sped down the road.

Tips For Holiday Travel

Before leaving on a holiday trip, have a mechanic check air pressure in tires.

Make a list on a piece of paper of items to be packed.

Bring a small cooler of drinks to enjoy while driving. Food that doesn't need refrigeration can travel in a sack or box.

Nothing makes the time go by like a good song. Bring along sheet music to favorite holiday tunes. Harmonies can be fun to work out on the road.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Brady Poll Ends In Recount

Kansas City - The Tip For The Day: Favorite Brady Bunch Child Poll ended early today in a two-way tie. Jan and Peter both collected 27%(10 votes)of the vote. They were close throughout the week with Peter collecting the all important tenth vote late in the day. Eve Plumb and Christopher Knight, Jan and Peter respectively, are expected in Kansas City in the morning. Barring any last minute legal maneuvers, the recount will begin at 08:00CST. Each vote will be counted over and then recounted again. As soon as a winner is declared, it will be posted.
"Hump Day" Bonus Fun Tip

Cooking in a crock pot is convenient, efficient and fun.

Tips For Talking To Someone Who Is Smart

If completely lost, nod head and wait for a chance to guide the conversation back to something easier.

Look at watch and pretend there is something pressing to attend to.

If employed early, act as though English is not a preferred language.

Think of topics seen on CSPAN to infuse into the conversation.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Word Puzzle Answers

1. Duster

2. Feather

3. Tape

'Tips' Guess The Actor

This man starred in motion pictures and was at the height of his popularity during the mid-fifties. Good luck and call the TFTD hotline with answers. The winner will receive something.
White House Staffer Contest Winner

Congratulations Leftyrighty, you are the winner of the White House Staffer Contest. H.R. Haldeman, Chief of Staff under Richard M. Nixon is the correct answer. Haldeman may have served time in prison for his role in the Watergate scandal, but don't let that ruin your free breakfast(we regret that only one coupon will be available.)

"Tips" Pick City Of The Week

(Each week the TFTD staff will spotlight a city on our posting list).

Our first spotlight city is New York, New York, sometimes called the Big Apple. New York city is a part of the Atlantic Seaboard.

Tips After An Interruption Of Cable TV Service

The interruption of service will be noticed when the TV is powered up and there is no picture.

Call service provider to schedule an appointment for repair.

Think of other activities like baking cookies or cleaning the bathroom.

Disconnect the cable and try to reinstall dipole(rabbit ears)antenna.

Monday, November 17, 2008

Tips Pick City of The Week

(Each week a staffer at TFTD is picks a city from our posting list.)

This weeks pick is New York, New York. Often called the 'Big Apple'. New York is home to many people; many of whom are from other countries.

Tips For Returning An Item To A Store

Stores have different policies for returning merchandise. Call the store before leaving.

Most stores will ask for a receipt.

Sometimes the urge to return something will subside. This allows for the item to be thrown out or given away.

If a store credit is offered, ask to speak to a manager to negotiate a better deal. If speaking to the store manager, agree to the store credit.

Tips For Procrastinating

If a deadline is approaching, think about extending it.

Instead of completing the task, do other things like watch TV or play a game with a friend.

When anxiety is causing sleeplessness, take 2 tablespoons of Nyquil before bedtime.

If asked how the particular avoided job is going, reply with confidence. In an extra effort, say it's complete.

Saturday, November 15, 2008

'Tips' Guess the Author of the Posthumous Quote Contest-Update

Mr. Botev Chernozemski cleans the offices at TFTD. He walks with a limp, but only at work. He speaks with a thick Bulgarian accent which can only be understood while sitting. I asked Mr. Chernozemski about the Posthumous Quote Contest notes. He didn't remember anything and I didn't press the issue.

'Tips' Guess The White House Staffer

Please post guesses here. Good luck. The winner and a friend will win a coupon for a free breakfast.

Tips For Disco Dancing

Disco dancing can be done at home alone or in a nightclub.

Learn the lyrics to Donna Summer's, "Hot Stuff".

As always, get a physical, for safety.

Disco dancing can be done in any current fashions, but it's fun to sew vintage disco clothing.

Friday, November 14, 2008

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Posthumous Quote Contest(Update)

Our attention has turned to a one Dimitar Chernozemski; a Bulgarian national who cleans the TFTD offices. He is seventy years old and smells like cigarettes and fish. Mr. Chernozemski spent his career in the Bulgarian navy, aboard a submarine. Since he doesn't like to go into closets, all of his cleaning supplies are

Tips For Writing A Holiday Newsletter

It is in bad taste to discuss topics such as having a dog put down.

Consider not writing it if nothing interesting happened during the year. If pressing on, stretch the truth or make up interesting events.

The newsletter should be in the recipient's hands no later than Christmas Eve. Holiday mail travels up to 51% slower than normal. Mail early.

The newsletter should be decorated festively.

Tips For Going To Confession

Wear comfortable clothes if the list is long.

Don't lie about a sin, this creates more problems.

If uneasy about bigger sins; leave them for next time.

Be sure to complete the prescribed penance.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

New Word Puzzles

There are three new word puzzles to unscramble. We have decided to shorten the 'solve time' to three days. Many readers become uneasy after three days if the solutions are not found. Good luck and post answers below.

Tips For Being In The Corps Of Discovery On The Lewis and Clark Expedition

Join after the expedition goes through the Bitterroot Mountains.

Eat horses only after eating everything else.

Don't allow any mothers with infants to join the expedition. Infants will impede progress.

After reaching the Pacific Coast, consider staying there permanently.

Tips For

"Hump Day" Bonus Tip

To spice up Italian recipes, add a little garlic.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Tips For A Bride And Groom Who Are Writing Their Own Wedding Vows

It is wise not to set the bar too high.

Vows written by a bride and groom should be optimistic.

Hire a professional writer.

Invoke the setting sun or the depth of the ocean as metaphors for things like stability and eternity(remember bar too high tip.)

Tips Favorite Tape Poll

The winner of the tape poll was duct tape. No surprises as it is the best tape. It brought in 53% of the votes. Electrical(black)tallied a respectable 26% of the vote. We thank everyone who cast a vote and please look for the new poll being released later tonight. It promises to be a show-stopper.

Catchphrase Update

Late last night, or early this morning, the TFTD staff was hold-up in a smokey conference room. Nobody smokes, a candle had accidentally been placed too close to a pile of napkins. We all were alarmed by the fire but what had taken place moments before was more important to us. Todd, a first year staffer, was reading through the brainstorming notes and magic happened. "It's the good stuff", he declared. The room became silent, all except the fire that was starting to burn a corner of our only conference table. We took a vote and it passed. The new and improved TFTD catchphrase:

"It's The Good Stuff."
KID Tips(Special Tips For Children)

After playing with toys, put them away.

Watch no more than thirty minutes of TV a day.

For the teen: Pay special attention to personal hygiene.

Pretending to be ill is a great way to stay home from school.

Monday, November 10, 2008

Posthumous Quote Contest

The contest is still going because of a clerical error. The answer has been misplaced. We are searching. Thank you for your understanding.

Tips For Washing A Car

Cars can be washed at home in the driveway, washed at a gas station car wash, or professionally, by hand.

The do-it-yourselfer will need a plastic bucket, special car wash soap, a sponge and a flexible garden hose.

Move other cars out of the washing space to avoid 'over-spray'.

Before initial spraying, be certain the car ignition is in the off position and sunroof is secure.

Sunday, November 9, 2008

Tips For Everyday

In case of an emergency, keep a map and flashlight in the glove compartment.

When hot water is running low during a shower, speed up or eliminate unnecessary steps.

A wooden toothpick holder should never be given as an anniversary present.

Speed up the rearranging of furniture in a room by imagining what the room would look like arranged differently.

While waiting in a fast food line, use the time to decide what looks good to eat. The cashier will appreciate the extra effort.

If a lawnmower won't start, open the gas cap to see if there is enough fuel. If there is, and it still won't start, move on to another project(best left to a professional).

Tip For Adults Beginning Gymnastics Lessons

Consult a physician before starting any exercise program.

Adults shouldn't take lessons for gymnastics.

Wear loose fitting clothing when training.

Shop on line for leotards and singlets for competitions.

Tips New Catch Phrase Update

The people have spoken. The reaction to the new TFTD catchphrase, "That's the good stuff." has been mixed. Disdain and disgust are two words that appeared in messages from readers. We have decided to reevaluate our work through the selection process. The staff is in good spirits and taking the news like professionals(only two have resigned). The list of catch phrases compiled through our research will be revisited.

Friday, November 7, 2008

Tips For Shopping QVC

Keep a pen and paper handy to write down ideas for gifts.

If hours pass with no recollection of consciousness, it is time to move to another activity.(There have been cases of avid QVC viewers being clinically brain dead for hours. The symptoms mimic actual brain death.)

The QVC host/hostess explains in great detail each product being featured. If a transistor radio is being sold, the host might point out the volume control feature. He/She might also point out the tuner which allows the radio to tune in more than one station.

Look in a TV guide to see what channel QVC is on.

Tips New Catchphrase

A few weeks back, the staff at TFTD set out to manufacture a catchphrase. The phrase had to be modern. It also had to define what we do here at TFTD. Further, it had to feel good while speaking the words. The focus groups, questionnaires, door-to-door surveys and plenty of noses to the grindstone have paid dividends. We hope that our creation is used regularly, and moreover, often. The TFTD new catchphrase is:

"That's The Good Stuff."

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Tips For Working Around The Yard

A hardware store is the first place to go when looking for yard tools.

The length of a garden hose can be extended by attaching another hose(see manufacturer's instructions).

Using a post-hole digger is not fun. Contract this out to someone who enjoys it.

A wheelbarrow that is overfilled will be harder to lift and push.

Translation Of Italian Edition

(I have received many requests for translations of the Italian Edition)

Use a spoon when eating spaghetti.

Drink red wine with steak.

Wash the dishes after dinner.

Wash children everyday.

Punte: L'Edizione Italiana (Italian Edition)

Utilizzi un cucchiaio quando magiano lo spaghetti.

Vino rosso della bevanda bisteeca.

Lavi i piatti dopo il pranzo.

Pulisca i vostri bambini giornalieri.

Tips About Anything Using Old Fashioned Language

Pull in the horns when shut down by a blue bottle.

To get roostered up, use dreadfully potent gigglewater.

Dummy up when stumped.

Don't care a continental when getting the mitten from a dame.

Thursday Quick Tip

Liven up a cup of coffee by adding milk and sugar.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Tips For The Student

Wooden pencils need to be sharpened. Mechanical pencils use sticks of lead that can be bought at an office supply store.

A backpack is a way to carry books, pens and pencils from home to school.

In math class, ask the professor if it would be possible to use a calculator.

It is important to have school spirit.
Candy Bar Poll Results

Snickers was declared the winner. Thank you to the thousands who took a moment out of their day to vote. In a small way, we gave democracy a gentle push and said, "Excuse me."

Please vote in the new 'Tips Favorite Tape Poll'

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Tips For Cowboys In The Wild West

Cattle drives take a long time. Stop occasionally to stretch and get something to drink.

Wear a cowboy hat when riding a horse during the afternoon.

Twice a year, the 'chaparreras' or 'chaps' should be lubricated with mink oil.

On warm days, dip a bandanna in a cold creek. Wrap around neck.

Tips For Everyday

In the kitchen, keep all spices in the same cupboard.

After filling up at the service station, return nozzle to the pump.

When a firetruck or ambulance is approaching with sirens and lights activated, pull over to the right unless late for an appointment.

Turn garbage disposal off when leaving the house.

Early Winter Quick Tip

Keep gloves and mittens in pairs to avoid losing them.

Monday, November 3, 2008

Tips For Participating In A Democracy

Wearing an American flag lapel pin shows engagement in the process.

On July 4th, bring lawn chairs to an outdoor fireworks display.

Before going to the polls, memorize the names of candidates.

For those in government- Try to make everybody happy.

Sunday, November 2, 2008

Sunday Night Quick Tip: Infiltrating a Mafia Family

Buy an Italian phrase book.
Thanksgiving Day Reminder

Thanksgiving is a few weeks away. Since it is a holiday, all government agencies will close for the day. Banks and garbage removal services will resume on the Friday after the holiday. Planning ahead will make the holiday stress-free.

Saturday, November 1, 2008

Tips For Daylight Savings

Spring Forward, Fall Back

Turn clocks and watches back before going to bed.

Use the extra hour for reading or a hobby.

Failing to set clocks will result in being early for appointments.

LCD watches are more complicated to change. Consult owner's manual.