Sunday, May 31, 2009

Just 3 Questions

In the J3Q hot seat is: Lee Harvey Oswald (b.1939 d.1963)

1. What did you think when Jack Ruby shot you?

2. What did you think of the Warren Commission report?

3. Did Howard Cosell have anything to do with President Kennedy's assassination?

Friday, May 29, 2009

Tips For An Argument

If entering into an argument, try and win it.

Don't argue with children.

Don't argue with anyone in a cult, they won't listen to reason.

Don't allow emotion to influence strategy.

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Tips For Every Occasion

Heading out the door with a chance of rain? Grab an umbrella.

Put things back where they belong.

If suffering from a broken leg, head to the hospital for treatment.

When nervous, don't show it.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Just 3 Questions

In the J3Q hot seat is: Theodore Robinson-Owner Of Local 7-11(born 1947)

1. Do your kids get free candy?

2. What year did the dirty magazines go behind the register?

3. Have you ever shot a robber?

Friday, May 22, 2009

Tips For Morons Part II

Always give a forceful opinion about everything.

Dump a full glass of ice water on to a computer keyboard.

In conversation, bring up politics and religion.

Empty a whole glass of water on to a Mac keyboard.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Tips For Computer Keyboards

Don't dump ice water directly on to a computer keyboard.
TFTD Is having technical problems. We will be back up ASAP.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Quick Tip For Spring

If allergic to bees, stay indoors until the first hard freeze.

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Tips For A Round Of Golf

If time is an issue, try a round of miniature golf.

Bring more than one golf ball.

Rent a golf cart instead of riding a bike.

Skip the first hole to avoid the first-tee jitters.

Sunday, May 17, 2009

Just 3 Questions

In the J3Q hot seat is: John McEnroe (born February 16, 1959)

1. At Wimbledon, you said to the umpire, "You can not be serious." Do you think that swayed him at all?

2. In the 1984 French Open final, you were up two sets to love against Ivan Lendl. Lendl came back to win the match in five sets. Looking back, is there anything you would have done differently?

3. Do you think you are the best sports commentator ever?

Friday, May 15, 2009

Tips For Owning A Fiat

Purchase a Chilton repair manual.

If a convertible, check the extended forecast.

Occasionally, the brakes will inexplicably stop working. Exercise caution.

Some days they start and run.

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Tips For Staying On Task

If married, a spouse is a great help.

Keep thinking about what needs to get done.

Don't get sidetracked.

If the task is too difficult, move on to something else.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Tips For Picking A Spouse

For convenience, pick someone of the opposite sex.

Through the courtship, weigh the possibility of marriage.

Italians should not marry other Italians.

Think about an arranged marriage.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Tips For Capturing Bigfoot

Study footage of Bigfoot.

Interview people who have seen the beast.

Look for gigantic footprints in the woods.

Wear a bright orange vest for safety.

Monday, May 11, 2009

Just 3 Questions

In the J3Q hot seat is: George Brett (b. May 15, 1953)

1. On a scorching Kansas City summer day in 1980, you hit a double which pushed your average to .400. Was it hot on the field?

2. What is pine tar?

3.Did you know you never wore batting gloves?

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Tips For Post Game Interviews

Stress sticking to fundamentals as a formula for victory.

Insist that the team only concentrate on one game at a time.

In a loss situation, don't point fingers. Say something about not executing fundamentals.

Never say God had anything to do with a victory or a loss.

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Tips For Baseball Part II

At the stadium, have some fun; give opposition fans some good-natured ribbing.

Most major league ballparks sell concessions. Be prepared to pay $9.00 for a Coke.

If a baseball is hit into the stands, feel free to keep it as a souvenir.

For the pitcher: With a count of 0-2, throw the next ball out of the strike zone to see if the batter will chase it.

Monday, May 4, 2009

Ouick Tip

Visually inspect the dryer lint screen before each drying cycle.

Just 3 Questions

In the J3Q hot seat is: Alphonse Gabriel 'Al' Capone(b.1899 d.1947)

1. Your father Gabriel was a barber, did he ever cut your hair?

2. When did you decide to become a professional gangster?

3. What did you enjoy more, bootlegging or racketeering?

Friday, May 1, 2009

Tips For Staying Organized Part II

Put things back where they belong.

Write down important dates on a calendar.

Use a watch to stay on time.

Once a week, take garbage to the curb; a truck will come by and pick it up.