Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Tips For Keeping A Journal

Journals come in variety of colors and styles.

Don't write anything that could cause future embarrassment.

Unrequited love is great fodder for a journal.

Hide journal under mattress or in garage behind the old hutch.

Monday, June 29, 2009

Just 3 Questions

In the J3Q hot seat is: Herve Villachaize (b.1943 d.1993)

1. Did Mr. Roarke use sorcery on Fantasy Island?

2. Was Barbie Benton nice?

3. Why did you say, "Da Plane" every time a new set of B-list celebrities would land on Fantasy Island? Were you surprised when 'Da Plane' shared the spotlight with Steve Martin's "Excuse me" and Gilda Radner's "Never mind"?

Friday, June 26, 2009

"Off The Wall" Lyrics By Michael Jackson

When the world is on your shoulder
Gotta straighten up your act and boogie down
If you can't hang with the feeling
Then there ain't not room for you this part of town
cause were the party people night and day
Livin crazy that's the only way

So tonight gotta leave that nine to five upon the shelf
and just enjoy yourself
Groove, let the madness in the music get to you
Life ain't so bad at all
If you live it off the wall
Life ain't so bad at all(live life off the wall)
Live your life off the wall(live it off the wall)

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Tips For A Fist Fight

If entering into a fight, be sure it is winnable.

If losing, pretend there is an important phone call to be made.

At the risk of harsh criticism, don't slap, hit with closed fist.


Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Tips for Marriage (For Men)

When buying a present, remember the mistake made last year.

Write important dates, e.g., birthday, anniversaries on a calender.

Marry a woman who is very understanding.

When asked about fatness in a certain item of clothing; always, always reply in the negative. (Unless exercising a vendetta.)

Monday, June 22, 2009

Tips For An Airport Layover

During a layover, have a conversation with a traveling partner.

If traveling alone, start a conversation with another passenger.

Visit the airport gift shop and buy a magazine or a good book.

Use the time to do some work on a laptop or compose a to-do list on a mini tape recorder.

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Just 3 Questions

In the J3Q hot seat is: Sir Ahmed Salman Rushdie (born 1947)

1. Were you happy when Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini died?

2. If you had the chance, would you write Satanic Verses again?

What is your opinion of religious fanaticism?

Thursday, June 18, 2009

The Return Of The Word Puzzles

TFTD appreciates all of the requests by our readers for a new edition of Word Puzzles. We thought it would be a good time to reexplain the objective. The reader is given a word whose letters are scrambled beyond recognition. It is up to the reader to reorganize the letters and solve the puzzle. Welcome to all puzzle enthusiasts. And now, the puzzles.

1. Sokcs

2. Sheos

3. Feet

Tips For A Morning Routine

Some people enjoy coffee in the morning. Make it fresh at home or go to a coffee house.

After rising, use the restroom and freshen up.

Before heading out the door, eat a light snack or a full breakfast.

If it's trash day, there is still time to get the trash to the curb.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Tips For The Movie Theater

Don't sit in front of anyone with a large hat or around anyone who talks a lot.

Bring extra money for concessions.

Use the restroom before the movie.

Throw popcorn containers and empty paper cups into the trash can at the back of the theater.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Tips For An African Safari

Lions in the wild differ from the lions in the circus. Do Not Pet.

Wear a sturdy boot while walking across the Serengeti Plain.

Most tourists prefer Tanzania, but some prefer Gary, Indiana.

The Ngorongoro crater is one of nature's wonders. Take some pictures. If without a camera, try and remember what it looks like.

Sunday, June 14, 2009

Just 3 Questions

In the J3Q hot seat is: Nancy Weber(Varsity Cheerleading Sponsor)

1. Do you show school spirit 100% of the time?

2. Were you a cheerleader?

3. Were you excited when you received your first pair of pom-poms?

Friday, June 12, 2009

Tips For Avoiding A Hospital Stay

Keep water and electricity segregated.

Don't climb trees beyond twenty-five years of age.

Stay out of bad neighborhoods.

Have a professional cut bagels.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Tips For Garbage Day

Each week try and remember what day the garbage goes to the curb.

Garbage bags and cans should only contain refuse.

If recycling, it is just another thing to remember.

Don't try to recycle children; it is a crime.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Tips For A Lost Item

Try to remember the last place the lost item was seen.

Imagine being the lost item and a new perspective is gained.

During a search, do repeat checks of places already checked.

Other lost items will be found during the search - don't lose them.

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Tips For Insomnia

Try to fall asleep.

If in bed, listen to radio or watch TV.

Drink some Nyquil.

Go to the kitchen and eat pie.

Monday, June 8, 2009

Just 3 Questions

In the J3Q hot seat is: Jimmy Conrad (b 1977)

1. Does it ever get boring being the most handsome in a room?

2. Can you kick with your left foot?

3. Does it hurt to head a ball?

Friday, June 5, 2009

Tips For Using A Public Restroom

Unless an emergency, avoid using a public restroom.

Lock the stall door.

Do not make eye contact with anyone.

Just wait and use the restroom at home.

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Tips For A Summer Vacation

Summer vacations can be fun when planned properly.

Never plan a vacation to a country engaged in a civil war.

In a hotel, don't take anything from the mini-bar.

Consider leaving children at home with a sitter.

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Tips For Funerals

Dress appropriately.

Italian funerals are very competitive; show a lot of emotion.

Be kind to the grieving.

In the procession to the cemetery, don't pass the hearse.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Tips For Fast Food

It is not a good idea to eat a lot of it.

A wedding reception should not he held at a fast food restaurant.

Don't throw garbage from a fast food restaurant out of a car window.

Have the clerk throw a few napkins in with the food on a drive thru order.