Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Tips for Beating Football Club Barcelona

Buy six, no, eight bear traps.

Get the ball back.

Say mean things to them in the tunnel and during the game.


Place itching powder in their sleeping bags.

Tips For Singing In A Car

Being alone is best.

All windows should be closed tightly.

Radio volume should be high enough to mask the singing.

Compliment a passenger's singing. If the passenger's singing becomes a nuisance, pretended the radio is broken and have a conversation. If the conversation becomes a nuisance, don't invite the person to be a passenger. If all of this occurs in a car pool, find another car pool.

Monday, January 23, 2012

Just 3 Questions

In the J3Q hot seat is: Joe Blow(born: Every day)

1. What do you think of the word 'pedestrian'?

2. Do you know 'Joe Bag of Chips'?

3. Have you ever hired 'Joe the Plumber'?

Thursday, January 19, 2012

Tips For Redemption

Look serious, redemption is more difficult while goofing off all the time.

Make an offer to do some chores.

Search the self-help section at a local book store.

Start an exercise program.

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Tips For Everyday

Remember where gloves and wallet are placed.

Arrive 15 minutes early to new dentist and doctor appointments.

Keep mouth closed while sleeping to avoid a sore throat.

When in prison, rise before cellmate to get some work done alone.

Thursday, January 12, 2012

Tips For Walking In Icy Conditions

Leave early.

Stay focused.

Witness someone else fall? Move on to keep schedule.

Make use of handrails and other people.
 

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

TFTD Video: How to Change A Coffee Filter

video

Tips For A Trip To The Zoo

Dress in seasonally appropriate clothing.

Avoiding eye contact with other zoo goers is the best way to avoid a conversation.

Most attractions will display a plaque with vital information about the caged animal. Reading is optional.

Planning a long day at a zoo? Pack a lunch(with drinks)to avoid high concession prices.

 

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Tips For A Surprise Party

Tight security is a top priority.

Plan a surprise party like an ordinary party.

If there is a security breach, proceed anyway.


Upon being surprised, if the guest of honor has a violent angry reaction, it is possible the surprise party was a bad idea. Don't panic. Have a guest call 911 and wait for the police. Another guest should try to subdue the guest of honor with a wrestling move learned in high school. The party should continue during these events.

Monday, January 9, 2012

Tips For Being On Hold

Pass the time by working a word search puzzle.

On a cordless? Walk around the house.

Use the down time to think about ways to be a better husband/wife.

Watch TV(with volume on low.)

Friday, January 6, 2012

Tips For Dinner Time

Take a few minutes during the day to plan the menu.

The entree and side dishes should be served together.

Dinner can be served buffet-style or formally in a dining room or hall.

It can be fun to have discussions during the meal. TFTD recommends the topics be light in nature. Subjects like famine or death camps can restrict digestion. Instead, discuss the day's events personally or something heard on the radio.

Thursday, January 5, 2012

Tips For Healthy Teeth

Conscientiously brush and floss.

Limit methamphetamine use.

Schedule professional cleaning.

Meet a new friend in the dentist's waiting room.

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Tips For Remembering

Make a mental note of the event.

Jot a reminder on a post-it note.

Tell a trusted friend and ask them them for a reminder.

Lost key? Backtrack. Think about the last place the keys were seen.

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Tips For Winter

Winter is a great time to plan a summer vacation.

Building a snowman is hard work, take frequent breaks.

Experiencing symptoms of hypothermia? Have a friend call 911.

Monday, January 2, 2012

Tips "Humor Corner"

Done chewing a stick of gum? Don't stick it under a tableplace gum in original wrapper and dispose.

Tips For Resolutions

Pick a healthy resolution(Don't start smoking).

Once the commitment fades, don't discuss it.

If one resolution proves to be too difficult, move on to another.
 
Humor
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